"Cancer"

That's a word you don't like to hear, from anyone, but especially not from your family.

On December 13, 2011 I got a call from my dad. As he informed me that he had been diagnosed with Colon Cancer, the news caught me off guard. Just as everyone will say "I didn't think it'd happen to me," I, too, really did not expect it.
"How far along is it?" I remember asking him.
"Stage 3."
Whoa. That's serious. I had to sit down and gather my thoughts. "My dad has cancer"... That sounds weird! And how am I suppose to respond to that?!

The rest of that finals week and then my weekend in Arizona were that same way: numb. I wasn't sure how to respond, and thought that maybe it wasn't actually true.
But it was, and 6 days later he was going in for surgery to remove the cancerous part of his colon (in hopes that this would take away the cancer and he would not have to do chemo). Well, he had surgery and they successfully removed the cancer in the colon. But after they opened him up, they found cancer in the small intestine as well.
More words you don't want to hear: It has spread. Stage 4 (of four). Chemo Therapy.

But God is good, and we also received the news that it was not on the lymph nods. This is wonderful because it means that it won't spread any further than where it is at.  It is also very uncommon for a Stage 4 cancer to not be found in the lymph nods, so we are thankful.

We spent the next week in the hospital as dad recovered. It was a slow recovery, but it was awesome to be together as a family. I realized then, too, what true love is. My parents have always set a wonderful example of a great marriage, and as I watched my mom consistently be there for my dad, taking walks with him, staying up late, sleeping in a chair by his bed, I hoped that someday I can be even half the mom and wife that she is!

For the first couple days, dad was on an epidural which basically took away any pain that he could have had. It was great. But once they took that out, and his digestive system didn't wake up right away, they had to resort to a tube down his throat in order to remove what was currently in his stomach and wasn't passing through. He had the tube for a couple days, which hindered him from talking or feeling well at all. Seeing dad like this was hard since he is usually very talkative and upbeat.

Christmas day the tube came out and he felt great. It was a different Christmas for all of us, but what a blessing to still be able to be together as family, no matter where we are!

My brother and I were also blessed to be able to be with the extended family on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I can't help but be thankful for the close relationships I have with all of my extended family. I am very close to all of my cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. I know this isn't something that every family gets to have.

The next day after Christmas, the doctor released him, and my dad came walking through our front door that evening. It was so wonderful to have him home. Not only was I getting lonely being at home by myself, but it hadn't been Christmas in my mind without dad around. The joy of having him home was enough, but we also got to celebrate Christmas on the 28th. After cinnamon rolls for breakfast, we popped in the yule log DVD, distributed presents and began opening. This is probably my favorite part of the holidays: traditions.

Dad has a long road ahead of him, starting chemotherapy on January 16th. But there is something that I will never forget my mom saying, "This is the cup that God has given us. We will take it, and we will rely on Him."
I love my family, and am very thankful for them each day, especially in this time! We are touched by all the love, prayers, and encouragement we have received the past month, and as the reality sinks in, we are only drawn closer to the Lord and His comfort and strength! 

"The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and my cup; You support my lot. 

I have set the Lord continually before me; 

Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. 

Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices; My flesh also will dwell securely.

You will make known to me the path of life; 

In your presence is fullness of joy; 

In your right hand there are pleasures forever."

Psalm 16: 5, 8-9, 11

Jenna's Journal.

Peace in the Word

"And the peace of God 

which surpasses all comprehension,

will guard your hearts 

and your minds in Christ Jesus"

Philippians 4:7

One of my favorite things about God's Word is that it is timeless. We cannot just read it once, say we know it and call it good. Absolutely not. God continually uses His Word to speak into our lives at different times, because (let's face it) our lives are always changing, and therefore scripture is going to be relevant at different times.

This verse from Philippians is just that for me; a piece of scripture that I have  read and used as encouragement so many times, came alive to me this summer. If you don't recognize this verse as much, you probably know the one just before it:

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God"

Philippians 4:6

Paul wasn't kidding when he commanded this of us. Out of anyone, I feel like Paul would know first hand about enduring affliction and experiencing peace. There are times in our lives that God calls us to do something, go somewhere or live in a way that maybe we don't understand how it can benefit us. However, we must remember that God is God, and we are not. 

We all need to come back to Faith:

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for,

the conviction of things not seen."

Hebrews 11:1

As God called me out of a relationship this summer, I didn't understand. There were so many questions that came with the decision, but above all else there was a peace that surpassed all understanding. Up until this point, I did not fully understand this peace. But since God allowed His perfect peace to pour out over my life, I now know the feeling of being held by Him, and allowing Him to lead the next steps of my life. I have peace in waiting, and even in waiting patiently, for what He has next. I trust that God has the best plan, and the best timing.

Does this remove the difficulty of life? Not always. But it sure gives hope, and it even makes it a bit more bearable.

"If Your law had not been  my delight, then I would have perished in my affliction. I will never forget your precepts, for by them You have revived me."

Psalm 119:92-93

Jenna's Journal

Walking in God's Presence

I've recently discovered walking.
Not that I can do it, but what it can do for me.

As I've been seeking hard after the Lord on many different levels of my life I've been learning and growing. Sometimes it is so overwhelming I can't understand it all at once. However, I know that God is growing me and molding me to be more like Him, and to be the woman He has created me to be.

"Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. 

For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come."

1 Timothy 4:7-8

I'm not one to obsess over working out, however I really do enjoy it, and as my emotions have been on overload I've discovered not only is it important to train myself in godliness, but that physical training has value as well. 

Getting out and walking helps me clear my mind. It's a time that I can pop in my ipod and for 30 minutes be away from all the struggles and worries. I can enjoy the cool air of the summer nights, and I can pray and receive direction. My most favorite part about going on walks, though, is God's Creation. 

The other day I brought along my camera to capture some of the beauty I see every day when I go out. 

Beautiful and unique flowers cover the trails and I can't help but just smile at the uniqueness of God's Creation!

These flowers are everywhere on the paths, and they happen to be my favorite. 

 

Even things such as the sun, or the wind take my breath away when I think about the detail and depth God put into His Creation. 

All these things remind me of how much the Creator of this world cares for what He has made. And if He cares such a great deal about flowers and the wind, then how much more does He care about me. I am all too often guilty of making Him too small.

“Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! 

Who stretched a measuring line across it? 

On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone—while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?"

Job 38:4-7

In the busyness of our world today, I think it is so important for us to step back and reflect on who God is. This can be done in so many different ways, and the best part is that He has made it specific to you. I enjoy walking, taking in the scenery and reflecting on what He has done, and yet to do. 

What do you enjoy?

Jenna's Journal.

Peace

 

I've always loved God's Creation and found comfort and peace in the colors and tiny details he put into it. And then I think about my own life and how much He cares about the smallest details. I think about every thing that I go through and how He uses each event to grow me, to shape me, and to form me into the woman He has created me to be. 

In a time of unknown transition, I'm comforted by God's promise to wait patiently for Him, and allow him to do his work in my life.  I find peace in His Creation and all that He has made. I find Joy in my weakness because His power is being perfected in my life, and strength in His unfailing Word.

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord"

Jeremiah 17:7

Jenna's Journal.

Seek First His Kingdom

I've struggled with Anxiety for a few years now.
Anxious about myself getting sick or hurt.
Anxious about what I'm to do with my life.
Anxious about my future.

Every time I feel the anxiety creep in, I must continually commit it to the Lord.
More recently, however, the anxiety seems to not be leaving, it almost seems constant. I keep telling myself that God's in control. I quote Scripture that I now, even if it doesn't pertain to anxious thoughts. And it helps, but this is an area that Satan has grabbed my heart with. I know God has a plan, and I know I shouldn't be anxious about anything, but this is real in my life.

I came across this passage today as I was crying out to the Lord:

The Cure for Anxiety

    ²⁵ “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? ²⁷ And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? ²⁸ And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, ²⁹ yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. ³⁰ But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! ³¹ Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ ³² For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. ³³ But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. ³⁴ “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:25-34 

I'm so encouraged by this passage. By the fact the God knows where our hearts are. He's not surprised by a thing, and He is not neglecting to give us something, but on the contrary he has had everything planned, all the hurts, joys, sorrows and tears. He is merely fulfilling his purpose for our lives, and shaping us more like him. He is in control, and we need not fear for we are only getting ourselves worked up. 

Father I commit to you this time of my life. Lord help me to find my peace in Your arms. Thank you molding me into your image. May I become ever more willing and joyful to be in your presence and seeking your kingdom first before I try to provide for myself. Grant me knowledge and understanding of this truth. I love you, Abba.

Jenna's Journal.

"Wait on the Lord"

This is a phrase I feel like I hear all the time, but never quite understand.
What are we waiting for? Why are we waiting? When can we stop waiting?
Up until recently I have made many decisions by what I feel or what I think is best for my life. However, I've neglected this all too important command from the Lord...to wait. And as a result of this, I've faced some pretty rough consequences.

As I have recently endured some hardships, I've learned how important it is to wait on the Lord. A lesson I believe I will never be able to comprehend fully.
Wait for His direction.
Wait for His voice.
Wait for His leading.

But I'm so encouraged by what God's Word tells us about waiting. Over and over again in Scripture, and especially in the Psalms, we read about waiting and hoping in the Lord. One passage in particular is found in Psalm 27.

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord"

Psalm 27:13-14

For me, God's Creation is a reminder that He is God, and we need not worry or fear.
Earlier in this psalm David says:

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? 

The Lord is the defense of my life; whom shall I dread?" - v.1

I have nothing to fear. If I am committing my life to the Lord, I do not have to worry about making big decisions for myself, but I can wait on the Lord and on his gracious direction over my life. And the more that I've been discovering this truth, and living out this truth, the more I am at peace about my life, no matter how drastically it may change, no matter how unsure the future is, or how anxious my heart becomes; I know that I can wait on the Lord, and I as I do He prepares my heart, and shapes me into the woman He has called me to be. Then, He will bring everything together,  just as He has meant it to be.

Maybe your life feels out of control, unsure, or just plain confusing. Take heart! God has a plan, and He desires for you to follow His path. No, it won't be easy. But as we wait on the Lord and rely on His leading,  the reward will be far greater than the pain that may come while we endure.

Years ago a wonderful friend gave me a verse when I was going through a hard time. Since then, it's been my comfort in times of need, and my encouragement when I feel anxious about my future:

"All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; 

yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the 

peaceful fruit of righteousness."

Hebrews 12:11

Be encouraged that the Lord is our strength. He is our comfort and our peace. In His Word we find our hope.

"I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope."

Psalm 130:5

Jenna's Journal.

The Next Generation

"For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; 

I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; 

I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and your clothed Me...

Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, 

even the least of them, you did it to Me."

Matthew 25:35-36, 40

How many times have I read this verse or heard it read aloud and thought "Amen!", but then walked away and thought nothing more of it until the next time?

Too many times.

How many times have I looked the other way when i saw a homeless person, a family without enough clothes, or someone who just need to be smiled at?

Too many times.

It's amazing to see how completely selfish and ungrateful I can be when there are people in our own backyards who don't have a bed to sleep in for the night, or food for their next meal, or socks to put on their feet.

I've only gone down town with Covert Ops twice now, but it's amazing what just one night in down town Minneapolis with a bunch of homeless people can do. 

Covert Ops started a little over a year ago. Every now and then a small group of students would go down town Minneapolis on a Friday night to hand out clothes and serve meals to the homeless. Today, Covert Ops is taking groups of 30-40 junior high students (along with a few adults) down to the Minneapolis Salvation Army where they set up their tables on the street to hand out clothes as well as to serve around 160 meals. Not only does Covert Ops seek to meet the physical needs of these people, but they meet the Spiritual needs as well. These students are evangelizing, praying over people, and just being a listening ear to the all-too-often over-looked.

A group of junior high boys praying over a homeless man who just wants to be heard

As a junior high ministry intern and volunteer (and I know every other adult who has gone down with us would agree with me) it is so powerful to watch 12, 13, and 14 year old kids go out to the streets with their faith; handing out Bibles, explaining the gospel of Salvation, and praying with these people as they are accepting Christ. These people know our bus. They know our students. They know we are serving a Great God. Covert Ops is changing the lives of many homeless people, but it is also changing the lives of many junior highers. 

For more stories, pictures and the pastors blog, click here.

This generation is huge. They have a growing heart for evangelism and a huge drive to live out their faith. In the constantly changing media stricken culture they are in, it's no wonder they're reaching for stability and truth. These students want something to believe in and they want to succeed at it. Give them a challenge, they'll run with it and do the very best they can to be the best they can. 

This upcoming generation wants to make an impact, we just have to let them, rather then push them aside as "little kids". They have a purpose and mission on this earth and, in many ways, they have the loudest voice of us all.

Words cannot describe the joy and love I have for these junior high students. They have changed my life and opened my eyes to the simplicity of faith. I'm so thankful for each student I have been privileged to work with the past few years. I've got nothin' but love for these teens! And I am so blessed to be able to disciple them.

"Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe."

1 Timothy 4:12

This verse changed my life 5 years ago and I'm so very glad that I am able to pass on it's truth to this next generation! These guys are meant for something great, let's allow them to reach that potential! 

Jenna's Journal